| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2005|11:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
so today was definitely a weird day, feeling pretty good after a pretty crappy start. I opened pres today and for being one of the easiest shifts it was definitely not, I was scheduled at 1030 and being the guy I am I insisted on giving amanda a ride in at 830 this morning, thats right, that ungodly time in the morning to spend 5 minutes with her, but lemme tell ya, it was worth it. the day went on, it got busier and busier. my shift ended and amanda and I figured out everything out for when we were gonna see 40 year old virgin, great movie btw. I followed her around for a bit, whether she wanted me to or not because I wanted to make sure she had a ride home, which was a good idea because her mom hadnt left and wasnt going to for another 20 minutes or so, and I got to take her home too. I came home and did nothing for 2 hours then headed back down to harkins to meet up with her and her mom (thats right, she was there too). so I got there and she was right inside at gs, we talked for a bit then chris went to go do the speech and she followed him while I went to go get my souvenir cup, I came back in, they came out of the capri and we headed over to the outside of the theatre to meet up with her mom. she didnt even recognize me at first since I got my haircut and its a small fraction of the length it once was, well it feels like it atleast. anyway she kept looking at me through out the night and eventually I found out that it was because she thinks I look better with short hair. weird? definitely, theres nothing stranger than getting compliments from her mom. yeah, it was fun though, Im still curious about what she really thinks of me though, about halfway through the movie her mom left for a few minutes and she started tickling me, kinda weird but Im not complaining. I would seriously wait for the rest of my life for her if there was the slightest chance that she might still like me since the breakup was over her not wanting a relationship and not me fucking up, as far as I know anyway and I trust her word so ignore this after the comma.
in short that sums it up, and thats a fairly large amount of writing too so alot has happened today |
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| Im so dumb |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|01:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
so today was definitely a sucky day, its started off really well, I missed school and slept in until about noon, woke up, got in the shower, went to work, basic stuff. I got off of work around 7 and decided to see The Brothers Grimm with a few friends from work, pretty good movie, it was fun, then we decided to get some food over at red robin, I was looking forward to it until we actually got there, there were only 4 of us when we got there, me, amanda, and 2 chris's. We got in there and seated and all the basic stuff, then the chris's started talking about medical stuff, or something, while amanda and I just kinda sat there and looked confused. I tried to start up a conversation with her but she just really didnt seem like she was in the mood for it so I just left her alone. not too much longer later rich and alissa showed up, rich joined in the convo with the chris's while amanda started talking to alissa, so I just sat there by myself, not knowing what the guys were talking about, and not wanted in alissas and amandas convo because they went to a different table, so I played tetris. I guess by just sitting there excluded from the conversations I was being a loner and everyone was starting to think there was something wrong, and to be completely honest I was worried about amanda because as I stated in the previous post she still means a whole lot to me and by not wanting to talk I figured there was something wrong with her. So I sat at that table and made myself sick thinking about what may or may not be wrong. We all left and I took her home, took chris g back to his truck and just burst into tears still worrying about her. I got home, got on aim and started to talk to her, trying to find out what was wrong, and she didnt want to tell me. being the person I am I tried to pry it out of her which was a BAD idea, then chris g started talking to me about how I was and I ended up telling him that some of the jokes he made actually got to me when none were directed at me. that got resolved, after a few hours, and in that time I was also talking to alissa who is the only one I feel I can go to when amanda and I have this sort of thing. she set me straight on everything and just told me to give her some space and that everything was going to be ok, in short I drive her nuts because I worry about her so much and that I should just back off a little, it really does make sense and I do worry about her more than I should, but its gonna be a challenge for me.
My head is still spinning but Ive calmed down alot since about 9pm and all I can do is pray to god or who ever is up there that things actually will be ok and she doesnt hate me for how Ive been lately or for everything Ive put her through.
Amanda if you read this I am truly sorry, you will still mean everything to me and I will still worry about you all the time, but Im willing to cut it back how ever much it would take to set things straight again |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|07:13 pm] |
ok so its been FOREVER since I last updated and so much has happened to me since, Im really not even sure where to start, or where I left off for that matter. I guess Ill just begin where my life finally made a huge turn around, and no offense to any other girls here but I met the best one ever about 2 months back. I knew there was something special about her right off the bat, and I was actually right this time, we started going out June 2nd (thats right, I still remember) and were together just short of 2 months, then some stuff happened that I care not to remember so were just gonna skip all of that, but for those two months I had been happier then ever before, and Im talking more than the rest of my life all put together. Now were really good friends, and even though were not with each other anymore she still means more to me than everything else in the world. I know some of you are going to say Im not over her, and you go right ahead and say it, but theres always one person that you can never let go of, never stop thinking of, and never stop wanting to see, and thats exactly how I feel about her. Right now she says she just wants to be friends and not in a relationship right now, and even though it took a while for that to set with me, Im ok with it. What other choice do I have? I honestly feel like theres more and I really hope there is.
I guess that sums it up, since everything else is school related, or work related, neither of which are important. |
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| about time |
[May. 14th, 2005|08:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
so, after all my other days of being completely miserable I finally had a great day, unfortunately it wasnt today, yesterday was so much fun though, I did absolutely nothing for most of the day, no worrying about work or school, I picked up my paycheck and got that taken care of, I finally turned in a direct deposit thing, I went over to geoffs house and hung out with a bunch of my friends I havent seen for a while, we just hung out over there for a while, talked about star wars, started making lightsabers, and listened to music, we did that up till about 9:30ish, then went down to the bowling alley and met up with maybe 5 more of my friends that I havent seen in even longer, we did the cosmic bowling until about 1 and then went and hung out in the parking lot and listened to more music, I ended up getting home at about 2 and didnt get to sleep until around 3, and I had to go to a staff meeting this morning that started at 8, thats where the fun began
the meeting was completely pointless, all that happened was we got ripped appart by kamb and tucker, suprise suprise, all it was was stuff we did wrong and how we should fix it, it ended at 9:30, yeah, lots of stuff we do wrong and its the second time Ive heard all of that in a week, after the meeting tucker left and kamb was in a really good mood, scary I know, the day was going pretty well until about 2 when tucker came back and kamb turned back into her usual bitchy self, then it got really busy and tucker came over to me and yelled at me for what everyone else was doing, she yelled at me when I was a team member, why cant she yell at them for their own mistakes, anyway I hate that woman with a passion, it got busier and busier until we finally had a break, then I got sent to conc to do even more work, because since all the idiots, and chase came in at 5 and by the time it got that busy all the 15 year olds with half a brain were off, so since I was the only one working I got to do even more work, in the end today just completely sucked, there was that plus a little more, I wont go into detail with that but Im sure if you know me and think about it youll get it |
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| Girls |
[May. 12th, 2005|11:02 pm] |
Im gonna vent just a little more tonight, and only one topic this time too, girls, they confuse the hell out of me, I will never be able to understand what is going through their minds, I get so many signals from them its enough to spin my head, most of the time its "why are you talking to me", other times its "how long until your not talking to me", sometimes its good but I cant put any examples up since I havent gotten any for a few months, but yeah, like I was saying, theyre just confusing as hell, they want people to be nice to them and they say how they like people that are nice and care, I do my best at that and I probably care too much, but I still never get noticed, I do everything I can to try and get a little attention, but I always get shown up by a "bad-ass", quick side note, "bad-asses" in case you havent noticed, are complete idiots that do what they do to get everyone to look at them, whats the point in liking someone who completely disregards everything guys should do? Im just a little confused how this works here, but I guess its like the old saying
"nice guys finish last" |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2005|10:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
so today was just another wasted day in what Im supposed to call my life, I actually woke up in time for school today and just didnt go, school is soooo boring and theres really no point to the last few years, so instead I just sit at home and watch the always exciting daytime tv line-up...that bored the crap out of me
after a few hours of that I decided to finally get up and jump in the shower so I could go to a meeting about my summer classes since I need to pretty much make up this entire year, that didnt go well, the counselor and my dad just went back and forth and were talking so fast I just kinda sat there and waited for it to end, the end came fast, until they wanted my opinion on everything they just talked about, I dont think Ive ever bullshit my way through anything that well before
then I got to pick up my brother and two of his little friends, and by little I mean age wise, since all three of them are taller than me, anyway it was kinda interesting watching them try and fit in the backseat of my car, then after they made it in I hauled ass over some speed bumps and got to laugh at them while they were swearing at me, we stopped at wendys on the way back since they all said they had money...of course, they didnt, little bastards
I was gonna go see a movie tonight with one of the few people that I can still call my friend, I was really looking forward to it too since we havent done anything in sooooooooooooooo long, and with the way my day was going so far Im sure you could guess what happened next, she canceled on me, cant say I blame her, but at least we decided to go another day instead of her just saying shes busy and hanging up after that
so I just came back home and watched even more tv, sat around and did absolutely nothing, all in all my days been pretty good...NOT, Im sick of nothing, I need stuff to do and people to be with, *sighs* maybe since my life has been god-awful so far itll get better eventually, hopefully sooner then later |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2005|11:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sum 41- better off dead | ] |
I told myself I would never make one of these, just for the fact that its completely pointless but I decided to since generally saying how I feel makes me feel better when Im down, and since the friends I have are all having problems themselves or could care less Im just gonna start putting everything on here
ok so this is gonna be long and boring but I just need to get it out, the first thing that I just cant stand is that when other people are having problems with their friends, or family, or just their life I always try to be there to help in whatever way possible, but whenever I run into something Im all alone, people ask me whats wrong just to sound like they care, but no one gives half a damn, Im sure Im sounding selfish and honestly I dont care right now, Im tired of always worrying about other peoples problems and having no one there for me, is that really too much to ask for? a good friend is all Ive really been asking for lately and a fair amount of them dont even know Im in the same room as them, some leave in the middle of a sentence with me to go talk to someone else, others glance my way and just turn, and after typing all this in the half Im talking about Im not even considering friends anymore, bastards.
if you thought that was it for me Im just barely getting started, theres all sorts more, but one of the next things thats at the top of my list is my girl problems, of course, every teenage guy has them, most get pretty lucky and dont have to worry too much but my luck is about as dry as this damn state, Im not even sure where to start on this topic, Ive had so much happen to me and most has just made me want to crawl under a rock and die, Ill admit this, there are a lot of girls I like, but thats the same for every guy, but aside from the girls I like Ill meet one every once in a while that mean everything to me, I do everything I can for these special few hoping that I might...might have a chance with one of them, but in the end they just see me as a friend, just a friend and maybe even a best friend, I dont have a problem with that but to me, when I hear that you may as well just be putting the final nail in my coffin, it breaks my heart to hear it and Ive heard it more times than I want to remember, this is gonna sound sooo unoriginal and Im sure everyone in america wants the same thing, but I just wish I could find someone who would like me as more than just a friend.
thats gonna be it for now, Ill complain more about how I think my life is worse than everyone elses later, and on a side note, I really dont think my life is that bad, I just dont get a chance to complain about the points of it that suck since Im too busy worrying about other people like I stated earlier |
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